I Don’t Care

When I was twelve or thirteen my parents got me a dog. A beautiful Bolognese dog I affectionately called Chester. I loved that pup a great deal and was devastated when she was stolen. I could tell you several interesting facts about my beloved dog, but this isn’t a story about her. No, this is a story about a girl who was becoming a young lady and tried her best with what she had… Junior high school was a pivotal time in my life. It was a period of self-discovery, where some friendships were forged while some were surprisingly lost. Some difficult decisions about the company I chose to keep shaped my identity even though at the time, I didn’t see it that way. As an unexpected byproduct of these shifts, unlike many of the girls in my class who huddled in cliques, I found solace in the company of the boys. Bonded by a shared love for table tennis, we spent every break and lunchtime engaged in spirited matches and friendly banter. The sound of paddles clashing and balls bouncing became the soundtrack of my weekdays. No matter how exciting our table tennis battles became, there was one prevailing topic of conversation that I couldn’t quite escape…soccer. It seemed like soccer was the universal language spoken by the boys, so, determined not to be left out, I decided to immerse myself in the world of soccer. I began watching games, sizing players up against one another, and even adopting a favourite team… Manchester United. My phone screen savers rotated between different adaptations of the team logo, and I even named my beloved dog Manchester (Chester for short) in homage to my newfound passion.

As the last three years of high school went by, I found myself increasingly entrenched in the world of soccer, not out of genuine interest, but rather as a means of fitting in and being accepted by my peers. I memorised team rosters and engaged in heated debates about the latest games, all to keep up with the conversation and maintain my place among the boys. As I reflect on that time of my life I am grateful for their friendship. It was never forced or entangled by invisible strings, it was honest, matter-of-fact and just what I needed back then. In complete honesty, at the time, I didn’t feel pressure to fit in, I genuinely wanted to understand what they all seemed to like so much and as I did, stronger bonds were formed. But as high school came to an end and we went our separate ways, I slowly drifted away from the sport. I found myself missing key matches I didn’t even know were on until my dad asked who won, surprised by my sudden ignorance. Back then I didn’t think anything of it, my interests had changed, big deal. It was only years later, early in marriage, that I found myself thinking about the years I had spent pretending to care about something that didn’t truly resonate with me. How easily it fell off when it was no longer necessary and how I hadn’t even noticed it fall away. The more I declined Ceaser’s invitations to stay up to watch certain matches, the more I realised a striking truth… I didn’t actually care about soccer at all.

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. ~ Ephesians 2:10 (NIV)

I once told someone I didn’t care in response to their inquiry about preferences I had over a particular situation. To my surprise, they were offended by my response and took it to mean that I didn’t care about the situation at all and was uninterested in the effort they were assigning to the task. Back then, such simple things would shock me. These days? Not so much. I remember gently taking the time to explain to them that my response meant that I didn’t care so much about how they did it, I just needed them to get it done. As I’ve grown in my leadership and efforts to delegate, I recognise more and more, that there are a few things I care very strongly about and want to be kept in the loop over. For others, I care that the direction is followed and don’t mind at all what the finer details look like. I haven’t stopped telling people I don’t care when they ask me about minute details I have no time to fuss over, I do however, say it with a bit more freedom than I used to. As I’ve continued to learn myself, what my purpose is and what I feel called to do, the things I don’t care about have grown vast in number. I’ve also found that just like that person took offence because they didn’t understand my answer, many people will take offence when what I care about doesn’t look exactly like what they care about, again, because they don’t understand how and why God designed me to be. Today I’d like to poke and prod a little… What things in your life warrant the response: “I don’t care?”

Maybe you’ve never taken the time to think about it. Well, today’s the day! And I have such a big grin on my face as I type this. Lord, we’re fixing to start something here! Ephesians 2:10 reminds us that we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. This verse serves as the poster for living a purpose-driven life aligned with God’s will. Just as I discovered my lack of genuine interest in soccer despite my efforts to fit in, we must all discern what truly matters to us and embrace the freedom to prioritise accordingly. Yes, even when it makes a few people uncomfortable or unhappy. I have three things to submit to you in my effort to get you to let the words, “I don’t care,” roll off your tongue a little easier.

Get with God

Our lives are inundated with endless information streams, activities, and interests clamouring for our attention. And this isn’t going to stop. Within this chaos, it’s necessary to pause and realign ourselves with God’s perspective. His perspective in general and more importantly, with His perspective for our lives. We are not called to care about everything under the sun. Let me say that again in case you need to hear it twice… We are not called to care about everything under the sun folks! Rather, we are called to care about what aligns with God’s purpose for our lives. Simply put, we should care about what God designed us to care about. By seeking God’s guidance through prayer and His Word, we gain clarity on where to invest our time, energy, and passion. I have also found that when my direction is coming from God, how He has wired me and what I feel Him guiding me to do, I am less phased by the disapproval of man when it comes to what my heart truly cares about. I am almost certain that if you take the time to get with God, the same with be true for you.

Be Honest with Yourself and Others

Honesty is the cornerstone of living authentically. The older I become, the more I see how easy it is to live a life parallel to our authentic selves. I have also found that there is so much freedom in good old honesty, because, yes, the truth does indeed set us free. It’s okay to admit when something doesn’t resonate with us, even if it’s popular or expected. Pretending to care about things that don’t genuinely spark joy or align with our values only leads to inner turmoil and a sense of disconnection from our true selves. I know I’m using a very inconsequential example with my soccer story, but truth be told, what begins as an inconsequential habit has the potential to bleed into the weightier things in life. What university we attend, what career path we follow, who we date, who we end up marrying, where we take our children to school, what vehicles we purchase, how we spend our money and how we raise our children. The list is endless, and some things are of more importance than others, yet the truth remains, that by embracing our unique interests and passions, we pave the way for a much deeper fulfilment that only comes when we’re in alignment with our purpose. Also, living authentically before God and others helps us cultivate genuine connections with others, some who share our passions and many who don’t.

Be Brave

Navigating societal expectations and personal aspirations can be daunting, but it’s essential to find the courage to chart our own course. Instead of succumbing to the pressure to conform or the fear of judgment, we must boldly embrace the middle ground and by that, I don’t mean compromising, I mean finding the intersection where our passions intersect with God’s purpose for our lives. This requires a willingness to stand firm in our convictions, even if it means swimming against the tide of popular opinion. This means saying you don’t care when you are the only one in the room willing to do so. This means being okay enough with yourself, your motives and your convictions to bravely say, “I love you and I’m so excited about this passion you’re stepping into, I just don’t feel it lines up with my priorities and passions.” It may also mean just saying, “I… Don’t… Care.” However Holy Spirit leads you to communicate what His unique design of you needs to say, say it with your chest. Lastly, on this note, be brave enough to evolve. Some things may circle back around in your life because God needed you to grow and learn some things. That’s OK too. It’s OK for you to grow into something, change your mind or admit that you missed it the first time around. Be brave enough to own it.

In a world that constantly bombards us with demands and distractions, embracing the freedom to prioritise what truly matters is a revolutionary act of self-discovery and faith. It takes faith to believe God has a big-picture plan for your life when you only get a piece at a time. It takes faith to boldly walk that out and explain it to others when you don’t fully understand it yourself. It takes faith to seek God for His plan for your life when there are a hundred other plans just waiting for you to pick them. My prayer is that you heed the gentle whisper of Holy Spirit and align your priorities by getting with God, being honest with yourself and others, and bravely walking the path to your purpose. Remember, you are not called to care about everything, but rather to focus on the good works that God has prepared for you to do. We care about what God designed us to care about, and in doing so, we find true freedom and joy.